Damn it, just love yourself.

Be as kind as you can to yourself – and to others.

What would change for you, if you – as a rule in your life – assume, that ALL and EVERYTHING people want from you and say to you is only good and is not intended in a bad way at you personally?
That everything they do and say and think has to do with them, with their story and NOTHING with you personally, meaning with your worth as a person?

Say, the woman at the counter is not greeting you with a smile like she normally does. Do you think, she doesn’t like you anymore?
What if your kid is coming home, raging about her entire day being wrong and putting her anger and frustration on you like a heavy bag of shit smelling stuff?

Will you now think you’re shit as well?
Will you perceive it as rage against you – or will you be able to step out of the situation and see it for what it is?

Just take off that nonsense burden of assuming and anticipating being questioned in your value.

No, that woman has a bad day and a friendly word or smile from YOUR side, could change her day. It’s not her JOB to make you happy.
It’s not our JOB as people to make each other happy.
But if you are just a little tiny bit aware of how the world works, you don’t wait until the smile comes to you, you put it into the world first. That’s how it comes to you.

Even though it’s almost too much or too obvious to remind you of that simple universal rule, but: What you put your focus on, what you measure, grows. 


 Your kid is raging? 

If you comment on that behaviour you don’t want, it will be reinforced, increase.

Every single behaviour, that might be in the tiniest friendly gesture or the most horrid action, you focus on, comment on, give your time, space, energy, mental and emotional attention to, will grow in your experience, be part of your reality, of your world. More and more so.

 If my kid goes on and on about the injustice she feels or the bad things that happened, I do not tell her that it isn’t that bad or she shouldn’t feel that way or other kids got worse stuff to face.

I acknowledge her feelings – because they are real for her and she has every right to feel them, even if it doesn’t make sense to me.
I ask her about the exact situation, to understand where she’s coming from. And then I listen.
I listen.
I do not question her.
I listen.
I’m fully present with her.
Even though I might think different things, want to object, to justify or even to hush her.
I’m not listening in a passive way.
I express that I have thoughts, but hers need to be heard first.

That’s the only thing we ever want.

Be acknowledged, be seen and heard.
Not judged.
Not devaluated in our experience and reality even though we damn well know that we exaggerate.

Let me ramble.

Let me rant and rail.
I’ll get over it.

But give me your time and space and your attention to find back to myself on my own, without having to defend myself for my feelings and thoughts.

 If we acknowledge and respect others in their world without them needing to explain and defend why they have to feel that way right now, they can find back into their balance again so much quicker. 

Because they only have to fight their own demons and not us in addition.

The same is how you treat yourself. You will come back to your own truth again after a while. You might change your opinion. Or not. You might take a fresh look and find the positive side to it. Or not.
Just give yourself a change to do so.

Be kind to yourself!!!

Be friendly to yourself, even though you feel like shit.
Be clement to yourself, even if you’d rather slap yourself in the face.
Be forgiving to yourself, even if you find yourself to be the most stupid person on the planet.

And get out of that nonsense pit of victimhood, comparing, shaming and blaming.

Being kind to yourself and others doesn’t mean not act on your values, not to demand respect and courtesy, it means to do so with an attitude of love, grace and understanding.
To step back when it’s needed, to step in when it’s time and to always step up to the best version of you.

Because it’s your life, it’s your design.


P.S. You can also join me on Facebook where I share content in English as well as in German: https://www.facebook.com/yourlife.yourdesign/

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